DAMMIT

Have you ever wished you were different?  I don't mean taller, shorter, thinner, better hair.  I mean different.  In a significant and fundamental way.  A substantive way.  Like you wish you could tolerate something you find inherently intolerable.  Something that is painful for you to see in a loved one - you want no longer to care about that.

You wish different things mattered to you - important things.  You wish you were more like some other person.  Some part of you that makes you distinctively you - you want that to go away.

I wished this today, and I honestly do not remember ever having done so before.  It is not a happy thought.  But I wish it today.  I hope this is a short-lived post.