Hearts, Neckties and Ferris Wheels

Who wears a necktie on a Ferris Wheel?  Long ago Dads did.  I saw a photo of a Dad and two sons, probably from the early 60's.  Probably before Kennedy was killed.  It was black and white - the photo.  And the copy was faded and stylized, so detail was lost.  But it was a Dad and two sons. They were on a Ferris Wheel. And the Dad wore a necktie.

Was it the end of a workday?  Or maybe Sunday after church?  Men still wore ties to church back then, I think.  This dad has that look - he was a business man or owner of a certain type of shop or a professional - a lawyer, accountant, doctor.  He was not a stranger to neckties.  Even in this old photo, you could tell he was comfortable in his tie.  He might have been uncomfortable without it.

His two sons flanked him.  The younger probably 5, the older maybe 8.  The older one doesn't want to be there. Probably doesn't want to be hanging around with buttoned-down Dad and surely not with the little brat brother.  This older one - you can't see the eyes rolling, but you just know they are.  He's bored, the Ferris Wheel is probably small, he wants to get it over with.

The Dad is there, but he's not having much fun, he's not engaged with either boy.  His eyes are off in the distance - some high altitude distance.  He's got the young one on his lap, but he's not really even holding onto him.  There is not a seat-belt or restraint in sight, but this boy is more perched than cradled on his dad's knee.  Not like today's Dads.  This Dad is fulfilling his obligation to take the two boys on this dumb amusement park ride.  He is, after all, a man who wears neckties to a fair.  The Ferris Wheel was no doubt foisted upon him by his wife, who may be holding the camera.

And then there is the young one.  He is hanging on to the ride's bars for dear life, and loving every single moment of sheer terror.  Gleeful terror.  Terror with abandon.  The young one is staring straight at the camera. He is so excited he may yet jump right out of the car.  He can barely contain himself.  He cannot believe everyone's feet are off the ground - OFF the ground!!  This is over, over, over the top for him.  This beats Christmas, and it's summer.   He loves being there with the Dad and he loves the thrill of the ride.  You can almost hear him across the decades: "look at me, Look at Me, Look at ME!!!".  You can see in the photo he's a daredevil already.  And not the kind who doesn't know fear - those are the ones who climb Mt. Everest "because it's there".  No, this little boy is the other kind of daredevil.  The one who feels the fear and the adrenalin that accompanies it and just can't get enough.  Already hooked on a thrill.  Doomed by the thrill.

The Dad will die young; he'll be unhappy.  He'll leave those two boys.  The older one grows up to be the white sheep until arrogance gets the better of him. But it's an insipid arrogance.  Like Paul McCartney - too interested in making sure he looks good working;  not interested enough in excellent work.  He drank his own Kool-aid. Insipidly.
And the young one, the little boy.  He'll grow up seeking thrills.  He'll miss the Dad forever; he'll never comprehend his loss.  He'll become alcoholic; he'll be confused why life has so many failures.  He won't understand what happened to the thrills.  When did adrenalin get overtaken by shakes, hangovers and blackouts?  Why can't he get it back?  Where the hell did it go?

I still miss him sometimes.  I wish I'd known the Dad who wore neckties on Ferris Wheels.  And I wish I had the photo to put on this blog.

Photo by Penelopejonze, find her on Flickr http://www.flickr.com/photos/penelopejonze/