There is an echo of irony. A death in my circle of people has generated a rush of reliving the first days of life with the reality of Sudden Cardiac Arrest. It's been almost 11 years and it's been a good long while since I revisited those first hours and days and weeks. But these days, the memories resolutely march on in, welcome or not.
Today I got information I didn't want to learn; I didn't seek it; I've deliberately and carefully asked no questions about the details of the death. It was a bit out of character for me, but I felt that more information would not help me cope and resolve. He would remain just as deceased. I would be no less un-moored.
But information came to me. My instinct was right, it won't help.
Something will, but this won't. Looking for the tool box and "more information" isn't in it.